Random Conversations in the Cullen Household
by summermissmoo
Summary: Does what it says on the tin!AFTER BD!MAJOR SPOILERS!Inside:Competions,7 chapters,dedications and other Cool Stuff from:BiteMeCullenJustDoIt and Co!LEMONY INNUENDOS!DISCLAIMER: THE CHARCTERS IN THIS FANFICTION IS PROPERTY OF STEPHENIE MEYER
1. Biology Class

**Random Conversations in the Cullen Household!!**

This is a totally random thing me and my friend made up on Sunday! *It's after BD so SPOILERS!* Anyway, This is my first fanfict so be nice! R n' R PLZZZZZZZZZ! If u peeps like it, I will post more! My Xmas hols start on Friday!

**Edward and Bella are at Forks High school and are passing notes during Biology. *The guy called Mike is Mike II, Jess and Mike's kid!***

**Bella: I'm thirsty**

**Edward: Me too! Where's Nessie?**

**Bella: She's with Rosalie. Neither Rose nor Nessie could be bothered to come to school. No decent subjects.**

**Edward: You mean Rosalie stole her when you took your eyes off her?**

**Bella: No silly! I might take a nip out of Mike!**

**Edward: No love, me first!**

_**(The bell goes and Bella jumps up and walks over to Mike. She leans forward… Edward runs to her at vampire's speed and kisses her in front of Mike. Although Mike is fuming, he doesn't know that his arch enemy has just saved him from death by vampire…For now anyway!)**_


	2. Alice's Fashion Show

**Alice's Fashion Show!**

**This is the story of an average Sunday at the Cullen's house when Alice is bored and has been shopping…**

**Alice: Cullens and Hales! Come down now! Yes, I know what you're **_**all**_** doing but I have an announcement!**

_**(In a flash, they're all there. Rosalie is doing the top button of her blouse up)**_

**Edward: What now Alice?**

**Alice: Well…**

_**(Alice thinks of her announcement)**_

**Edward: Crap!**

**Emmett: Alice, hurry up with this announcement! Me and Rose have too.**

**Esme and Alice: WE KNOW!**

**Alice: Well, we are going to…. PUT ON A FASHION SHOW!**

**Everyone except for Esme, Rosalie and Alice: NO!**

**Alice: YES! Anyway, I've already brought the outfits!**

**Rosalie: C'mon Emmett! It'll be fun! Alice, can we be in couples?**

**Alice: DUH!**

**Nessie: Sounds cool, Auntie Alice!**

**Alice: Fabulous!**

**Edward, Bella, Emmett and Jasper: *GROAN***

_**20 Minutes Later**_

_**(The house is, well, let's just say that Alice got to it!)**_

**Alice: Prom models, Emmett and Rosalie, will be first. 'The work look' will be modelled by Esme and Carlisle second. 'Family Holiday' will be Nessie, Bella and Edward. Then, finally, Jasper and I will be doing the 'Casual Clothes'.**

**Bella: Don't worry, Nessie; it'll be over soon**

**Nessie: Mom! I'm actually enjoying myself**

**Alice: That makes two of us, Nessie!**

**Carlisle: Alice, I've got to leave in 10 minutes, OK?**

**Alice: Let's go then!**

_**9 Minutes Later**_

**Edward: Never…**

**Emmett: Ever…**

**Bella: EVER…**

**Edward, Emmett and Bella: AGAIN!!!!!!**

_**The End!**_


	3. Emmett's Sunday!

The sad thing is that this really happened! Me and my class really couldn't be stuffed to do really work so this is our Nativity play. We did this in R.E and we ended up in hysterics throughout the whole lesson. I almost got s detention! LOL!

**EMMETT'S CHRISTMAS NATIVITY!**

**This is Emmett's idea of the birth of Jesus!**

**Emmett: Cullens and Hales! Come here NOW!**

**(Everyone comes into the living room)**

**Emmett: Right! If Pixie can pick a Sunday activity, then so can I!**

**(Everyone's faces go suddenly paler and all is silent)**

**Edward: OK. Run Nessie!**

**Emmett: Anyway, since it's almost Christmas...**

**Carlisle: Emmett, Christmas is in 7 MONTHS!**

**Esme: Honey, let's not ruin it for him!**

**Carlisle: Very well. Continue Emmett,**

**Emmett: Thank you Carlisle, at least someone cares!**

**(Emmett gives Edward a series pout and growl)**

**Emmett: We are going to perform the NAVITY SCENE! You know; when Jesus was born and all that!**

**Jasper: OK. Weirdo, Sado...**

**Emmett: Nessie will be Jesus, Bella will be Mary, Edward will be Joseph, I will be God; the Holy Spirit (which is God) was the one who got Mary pregnant! Not Joseph! God suits me! Hehe! Alice will be the Angel Gabriel, Jacob and Jasper and Carlisle will be the wise men!**

**(Edward growls at Emmett)**

**Emmett: Esme will be the shepherd with Alice. Alice you have 2 parts! And finally, my beautiful Rose will be the beautiful star! Everyone happy with their parts? Good!**

**(Emmett rushes to his room and returns with a giant suitcase full of towels!)**

**(2 Minutes later)**

**Emmett: Well, we all look charming, especially me! Now let's start!**

**(They start to perform the play to 'God'. Emmett gives Bella a pregnancy bump thing and a donkey to go to Bethlehem! When they get to the birth, Edward smashes Emmett in the forest, clearing a lot of trees, because Emmett asks Bella to react Renesmee's birth... After God returns, they continue. This is the bit where the ****3**** 2 Wise Kings come to the birth of Jesus.)**

**Carlisle: Look! The star of the King!**

**(Emmett bounces onto the stage with at towel on his head)**

**Emmett: My fellow kings, let us sing the song:**

**(Carlisle and Jasper give Emmett a look, then they both sigh and listen to Emmett's song...)**

**Emmett: We 3 kings of Orient are, One on a bicycle, One in a car, One on the Scooter, Beeping his Hooter, Wearing his Rosalie's bra! Ohhhhhh! Star of Wonder, Star of nig...**

**(Rosalie has Emmett in a rather painful looking wrestling hold)**

**Rosalie: WEARING WHO'S BRA?????!!!!!!!!**

**Emmett: Alice's!**

**(Rosalie and Alice switch places gracefully)**

**Emmett: Bella's!**

**(Alice and Bella switch places)**

**Emmett: Nessie's**

**(Bella and Nessie switch places)**

**Emmett: Ahhhhh! C'mon! Esme, if I say your bra, will you hurt me?**

**Esme: No sweetie! Rose will do it for me!**

**Emmett: I guess this is the end for Emmett Cullen!**

**Jasper: Happy Holidays Everybody!**

A/N: This is dedicated to everyone in my class at my school! Especially Annie! Merry Christmas!


	4. COMPETITION THING!

_**IDEAS!?**_

**Calling ALL Twilighters and/or Fanpires!**

**Serious Writer's Block Guys! OK, I thought I had an idea but my notebook has gone either skiing in Italy or Sunbathing in Hawaii; whatever it's doing, I can't find it so: I have no ideas! Ain't life fun? So, I need my loving fan's help to get more fans to love and adore moi! So, if you have any ideas about the exciting world of Ms. Meyer and I, then send me a wonderful review with your idea(s)! That would be Fabbity-Fab! Twilight is out TOMORROW! OMC! PLZ: NO EMO JASPER OR OCC BELLA! KEEP WITH MY THEME PLZ! THOSE ENTRIES WILL NOT COUNT! (Insert angry emoticon here)**

**Also, I have talked to my bezzies… and other peeps in my form, about my Nativity Scene: Emmett Version! And they are yelling at me coz I haven't written any names so, here are the people who were in the monstrosity that we people call: 'Humour…'**

**Moi- I am the star!**

**Bea Cardozo- What would we have done without the donkey?**

**Annie Estlin: What can I say except Emmett's song! This is deffo for you!**

**Lucy Trapp- Jesus was **_**MEANT**_** to be quiet!**

**Amelia Gabriel- Man, I wish you could read this story, but, you need to read NM, E and BD! Tut, tut! MOO4EVER!**

**Mattie Pool- Thanx for the party last Saturday!**

**Georgia Weston- Joseph couldn't have been any worse….MOO4EVER!**

**As you can probably tell, Amelia and George are my true bezzies, shame that George hasn't read Twilight, oh well, we'll have her soon (insert evil smile, eyes and laugh here)! Also this dedicated to my other true bezzie: Jess Williamson! Unfortunately, she was in the Health Centre during the making of this monstrosity! BTW, if I like one of the ideas you guys give me, the story will be dedicated to you. I will write the story myself so you can also have the pleasure of waiting anxiously to see who won and what happens in Chapter 5! Good Luck my Twilighters and/or Fanpires! Keep sucking that blood for the Cullens (especially Eddie, Em and the Pixie!)**


	5. Monkey Man & GVB!

**Monkey Man & G.V.B!**

**Rosalie's Sunday!**

**Key:**** R=Rosalie A=Alice C=Carlisle E=Esme Ed=Edward N=Nessie B=Bella Em=Emmett J=Jasper! **

**(R and Em are playing on the Xbox, R is winning by a large amount)**

**R: I think it's time for Girls V. Boys!**

**(Ed, B and N speed out to the living room where R and Em are)**

**B: What do you mean Rose? Like, on the Xbox? Coz you know that I'm not very good…**

**(A appears in the room with J behind her)**

**A: No Bella! She means our annual G.V.B!**

**J: Girls V. Boys**

**B: Ok…(An evil smile appears on her lips)**

**Ed: (As he puts his arm around B's waist and sighs) Ok, Rosalie, what did you have in mind?**

**R: Well, Emmett said-**

**Em: (Interrupting R, steeling her remote and playing 2-player by himself without taking his eyes of the screen) Wanna buy Monkey Baseball?**

**R: Thank you Emmett (sarcasm colouring her tone) So, I remembered Bella's first baseball game with us, you know? Before Nessie was born, when Victo-**

**(Ed growls at R and tightens his arm around B's waist. B squeezes N's hand)**

**R: (Growls back) Well, I remember one of Emmett's catches…**

**(Em turns off the Xbox, comes over to R and kisses her head)**

**R: My Monkey Man! (She curves herself around him, kissing him passionately)**

**A: With what's happening now, it looks like it's gonna turn PG-13! So, Nessie: Leave. Edward: Cover the piano; then we can all leave Romeo and Juliet to make Romeo and Juliet Juniors!**

**R: (Growls at A) Hey! Shut up! Basically, tonight, we're going to Go Ape!**

**Ed: So, you want us to go to a children's Activity Centre, in England, so we can climb trees in the middle of the night? We can do that anyway!**

**R: Yes! But that's no fun! BTW, no one may use their gifts, 'cept Alice!**

**Em: And Jasper and Edward!**

**(The girls look at each other and sigh!)**

**B: (Stage whispers to the others) Lets not ruin his fantasy!**

**C: We did that last week and look what happened!**

**A: Carlisle, Esme! I thought you two were hunting?!**

**E: Well, we could hear Rose and Emmett on the Game Station then it suddenly stopped, so we came back too…**

**C: Basically, Esme got worried because Emmett has been on that thing for 3 weeks straight!**

**N: Look, are we going or not coz if we are, I need to call Jakey to even up the sides and take a nap so I can stay up!**

**Ed: Nessie, I know but Jacob…**

**N:…Can't come! I'm not coming then!**

**Ed: Nessie!**

**(N runs upstairs crying)**

**B: Edward,, maybe you should let Jacob come. I mean, just this once, that's all she wants…**

**Ed: Bella, but, fine, very well! Nessie! Come her baby girl!**

**N: I'm a baby dad! (N bounces down the stairs into her father's arms!)**

**Ed: I'm sorry Renesmee, call Jacob, say he can come and Grandfather will get you your cup! Nap Time!**

**(B comes over to cuddle N and Ed, then Ed kisses N's head while A snaps a picture!)**

**B, Ed & N: ALICE!**

**A: My pleasure!**

**R: Well, not quite the Sunday I planned for, but…**

**(Em kisses her again)**

**R: But not half bad!**

**J: Alice, how do you always ruin other people's special moments?**

**A: Not all of them, but it is my other talent, Jazz!**

**(A kisses J on her tip-toes)**

**E: Oh, Carlisle, I do love our Sundays!**

**(C hugs E close to himself)**

**C: So do I Esme, so do I! (He kisses her head)**

_**THE END!**_

**A/N: The Happily Ever After One! I've seen Twilight! Totally inspired and my notebook has returned! Not enough ideas to pick from for my future chapters yet! I have ****1****! I really need more! Thank you again to my fans! I have another chapter all ready for you Twilighters! Guess what? It's a 2-parter! How annoying… for you guys, there will be another comp. at the end of the first part! Dedication up for grabs! Enjoy the wait! Xmas will be over on Saturday! Yay! I'm sorry! I do like Christmas but I don't feel xmasy at all! Am I the only one who feels like that?! If you are having the same prob, let me know! We can be emo together! I really am done now! I can be really annoying! R N' R PLZZZZZZZZ! And tell your friends how gr8 my story is! *The author is now being pushed out the door, away from the laptop!***


	6. Nessie's Sunday Morning Part I of III

**Nessie's Sunday…Morning!**

**Key: If you had common sense (like Rosalie's Xmas pressie…See Ten Holiday Gifts For by Kiara212, I love that story!) you would know that it's same key as chpt 5! But the xtras are: Jc=Jacob S=Sam, **St(looks like Saint…)**= Seth, Pl=Paul Emb=Embry! The A/N is in **non-bold…

**N: (On the phone)…OK. Jakey! I'll see you at the cliffs with Uncle Emmett…You want mom to come?...I dunno…Dad will probably have to come if she is…Ok, I won't bother then! Love you! Be there in 10. Bye Jakey! (Puts the phone down. She turns around and bumps into her Dad: Edward) Dad! What-**

**Ed: Who were you talking to Nessie?**

**N: Jakey…Why?**

**Ed: I don't mind if you want to be with Jacob in La Push…and Emmett, but, please don't lie to us all about what you're doing! Just, Look, I haven't worked out if you can conceive yet so-**

**N: You think me and Jake are having sex? Dad, I'm only about 12-**

**Ed: (too quiet for Nessie to hear)going on 20 more like…**

**N: -But even if we were, which we are not, I'm not stupid, I mean look at you and mom! Mom-**

**Ed: Just be carful about everything!**

**N: Ok!**

**Ed: By the way, what did you mean about myself going with Bella no matter where she went?**

**N: Gotta go dad! Bye dad!**

**(She gives Ed a quick kiss then makes a run for the garage where Emmett is working on his car)**

**N: Uncle Em! Are you ready to go to La Push?**

**Em: La Duh! **(I just luvvv dat!)

**N: How are we getting there?**

**Em: By running! Aunt Rose would get suspicious if the Jeep was gone!**

**N: Oh, yeah! Ha, at least I've only got dad to worry about!**

**Em: Edward is alot worse than Rosalie, though, when she's angry or ,as I call it: Fiesty-**

**R: (Screaming from somewhere in the house) EMMETT!!!**

**Em: See what I mean…**

**(R growls, fiestily!)**

**Em: Our cue to leave Ness!**

**(He hikes N onto his back)**

**Em: Ready?**

**N: Just run!**

**(They run to the La Push Treaty Line)**

**N: Sam? Jakey?**

**(Sam and Jacob come out to the line)**

**Jc: Nessie!**

**(They hug) ***shudder*

**Em: Sam! Can me and Nessie cross the line for (he whispers theatrically) The Game?**

**Sm: (Rolls his eyes at Emmett's stupidity) Yes, Emmett. When will you be leaving?**

**Em: When Edward and Rosalie calm down**

**Jc: Could be a while then**

**N: Silly Jakey!**

**(Emmett throws Nessie to Jacob, he catches her and they kiss passionately ***I ring the "Jacob and Nessie are…We understand" Hotline***. Emmett crosses the line)**

**Em: Well, love bugs, get a room! Jacob's would be fine…If you can stand the smell!**

**N: Shut Up!**

**(Jacob puts her down. She sticks her tongue out at him, he retaliates)**

**Sm: Kids!**

**Em: I know! They are so immature!**

**(Everyone, except Emmett look around awkwardly… **We all know why: Emmett is the immature! Sorry, I know it's all very new to you all, but, it's a sad part of life…** The group run to the cliff where Embry, Paul and Seth are)**

**St: Jacob! Nessie!**

**N: Hiya Seth!**

**Pl: (Sarcastic Spastic alert!) Great! Fantastic ***It rhymes*

Emb: Let us begin… THE GAME! (insert evil laugh here)

My Personally Favourite end to a chapter:

To Be Continued…Unlike the Simpsons Movie: Not Right Now! See it if you haven't!!!!!!!!!

Does anyone know what "The Game" is?????? If you do: Send me RIGHT answer, then you shall be entered into the mega huge prize draw! The prize will be a dedication! I am desperate to dedicate a random person a chapter! Good Luck! NOTE: This competition is rigged! (See *Deep Breath* Peter Kay's Britain's Got the Pop Factor and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice! It's a spoof all the crappy reality TV shows in crappy Britain!


	7. Nessie's Sunday Afternoon Part II of III

**Nessie's Sunday Afternoon!**

**WOW!!! You guys are lucky!! Look, I said that I wouldn't post til I got about 15 reviews! But, I got bored so I decided to post anyway! It will not happen again! Unless I'm soooooo…I'm done! Anyways, unfortunately, no one guessed correctly what 'The Game' is!! I think people got cuffuzled! The Game that I was talking about wasn't CALLED 'The Game'!!! That's just the Code Name for it! LOL! **

**Anyway, here is what the game is **

**And**

**Nessie's Sunday Afternoon!**

**AN: Could get lemony…Well, it IS lemony!!**

All except Nessie: Truth or Dare Nessie? **(Can't believe that no one got it!!)**

N: Truth! (To Jacob) What's the worst that could happen?

(Jcb shrugs)

St: How many times have you done 'it' with Jacob?

Jcb: (To N) That's the worse that could happen!

N: SETH!! (She pounces on him)

St: Nessie, it's a simple, very mild, truth!

N: Twice! Happy?

St: Ecstatic!

Jcb: (Very quiet so that only N can hear) Wanna make it 3 times?

N: (Giggling) Jacob! Shut Up! Remember Aunt Alice and Dad?

(Jacob shuts up! **YAY!!**)

Sm: Well, Paul, Embry and I have to go…

N: Bye guys!

Sm: (To St and Jcb) Keep it PG-13 please! Nessie is only 7…

N: Seventeen! (She emphases the teen bit)**(BTW, in my last chpt, Nessie was 14 but I decided to make her full grown so sozzy!)**

Pl and Emb: Bye Jacob!

Emb: See you tomorrow!

Jcb: Sure, sure!

Em: (So casual) Bye Furry Stink

Pl: (Just as casual) Yeah, bye Cold Stink

(Sam, Embry and Paul leave. Only Seth, Emmett, Jacob and Nessie are left)

Em: Now, let's get down to business! Jacob?

Jcb: Dare!

(Em nods at N)

N: Run to my house; find Aunt Alice's room, or wherever she is, doing whatever she's doing… Make-out with her, pat Uncle Jasper on his head and, of course, film the whole lot!!

Jcb: EASY NESSIE!! Gimme something harder!

N: (Evil smile) Do the same thing too….

Em: (Same evil smile) Bella and Edward!!

(The colour in Jacob's face drains!)

Jcb: Make out with your mom, and then pat Edward on the head?!! (N gives him the camera) How do you know that I'm gonna live?

N: Well, that's the thing…

Em: We actually don't think that you will! Me and Nessie are having a bet! I think that'll I be digging your grave and Nessie thinks she'll go 'third base and a home run in one bat' with you tonight! **(That's it! I'm changing the age range!) **Getting hot around the collar Jakey? (He flutters his eyelashes and imitates Nessie's voice!)

N: Uncle Em? (He looks at her) SHUT UP PERV!! I'm going to tell Aunt Rose!

Em: SHIT!! NO NESSIE!!!

Jcb: I'm going to die! Love you Nessie!

(He runs off)

Em: I'm gonna miss Jacob! Edward will be having Dog for dinner tonight…Maybe Bella will too!

N: Uncle Emmett!

Em: Don't worry Nessie! There'll be some for you too!

(She gives him a look and some special sign-language!)

**Ain't 3-parters fun? I will DEFFO need at least 15 reviews for the last part of this! Man, this is soooooo juicy! Did I mention innuendo lemons? Yeah! I did! Just now….Have fun asking mommy and daddy what this chapter means! Remember: Don't do drugs…If you're gonna get caught!!! Hehe!! **


	8. Nessie's Sunday Night Part III of III

**Hedooo!! How is everyone?? Good, Good. I have been scanning all of my stories and I personally want to see what happens in this story!! This FF wasn't meant to go like this but, I now have 4 other stories and I know how this webbie works now so if my style is diff then that's why!!**

**Nessie's Sunday Night**

**It's not in Script form!!**

**JCBPOV**

I ran towards the house. I then stopped and remembered that Bella and Edward had a separate cottage. So I changed direction and headed forward to my death.

I tried to block my thoughts from Edward but then gave up. They were only of Renesmee and the Pack. Nothing out of the ordinary for me I suppose.

I suddenly stopped. Ugh!! I was here!! The smell was overwhelming. No wolves here then.

I fiddled with my camera hat and turned it on. There was a buzzing in my ear so I knew that it was on. I tested it quickly by throwing a rock behind me. There was a thump and then another recorded thump in my ear. Good. It was working. I walked forward towards the door, took a deep breath then walked in to face my fate.

I heard giggles and ragged breathing from behind the closed door. I shuddered at the mental image filling my mind. But I thanked my lucky stars that the Blonde and Emmett weren't in the room ahead of me. Those thoughts made me shudder again.

I wondered if this was perverted. I supposed it was but it was a dare and I wouldn't even do this if it hadn't been for Paul. He suggested that we should even have this truth or dare thing. I would have to get him back for this.

A scream brought me out of my safe thoughts of pummelling Paul's face into the ground with Emmett next to him, and into the present.

I hated what the scream had said.

"Oh, Edward!" Wasn't the thing I wanted to hear on a Sunday. I mean, Christ, they had a kid…Oh, wait. That doesn't make me feel better…

I took another step forward towards the door of Hell. Damn you Emmett! No pun intended.

"Oh, Bellaaaaaaa…" Shit!! He was teasing her!? This was doing my head in!

_Just get it over with, Jacob. Close your eyes and do it. _

I heard the smacking of marble on marble. Shit! Shit! SHIT!!

"There!! That's it!!" Was Bella really like that? With him?!!

Oh. My. God. This was being recorded! SHIT!! The day Nessie lost her innocence…

"C'mon! Faster! Harder!" That's it!! I quit!!

"I QUIT!!!" Crap. I had just yelled. The cottage went silent. Shit.

No Ones POV

The cottage was silent. Only the sound of sprinting paws against the rough, ground could be heard.

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud

**THE END!!**

**You can hate me but I can't think of any more scenarios for this particular FanFiction. If I really tried I might be able to but I like this ending and then at least I have one real story that is finished! **

**Just because I'm done with this doesn't mean that you can't review!! In fact, because I have finnie, you should review MORE!!! Flames etc. are welcomed as well!**

**I may re-open this ff if I get some inspiration but, for now, Au Revoir!! **

**BiteMeCullenJustDoIt xxx**


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